KYLO, Part 5 (Notes, 2/20/2022

Communicating Through Conflict

Our first goal in communication is to understand one another.

My thoughts, feelings and needs are valuable and important – and so are yours.

I do not participate in disrespectful conversations. When my thoughts, feelings and needs are devalued in a conversation I will stop the conversation and set a clear boundary. Until respect is restored I will not participate.

We need to communicate our true feelings and needs to establish trust and intimacy.

It’s my job to tell you what is going on inside me, and your job to tell me what’s going on inside you. We do not have the powers of telepathy or the right to assume we know one another’s motives, thoughts, feelings or needs.

The best way to communicate my feelings and needs to you is to use “I” messages in clear, specific statements that show what I’m feeling and experiencing.

I will not expect you to know my feelings and needs unless I have communicated them to you.

I will not make judgment statements or tell you how you must change in order to meet my needs.

When you communicate your needs to me it is my job to listen well so I can understand what you need, how my life is affecting you, and what I can do to meet your needs.